Don’t go out with a Policeman
It’s a risk you shouldn’t take
He’ll jump to wrong conclusions
And then shoot you by mistake

Don’t go out with a Prisoner
Even though he’s good by text
Despite his good behaviour
When he’s out you will be next

Don’t go out with the drug dealer
Think where he’ll hide the stash
He’ll get it all through customs
By sticking it up your ass.

Don’t go out with a Fireman
Though he may look good in the noddy
The day may come when you have to
Identify that body.

I don’t want to be negative
but I’m trying to make you see
There’s one guy you should be with
And that one guy is me.

Don’t go out with an Astronaut
That’s all so last century
He’ll spend all his time in orbit
Then burn up upon re-entry

Don’t go out with a Postman
He’ll make you wait in line
He’s obsessed with the size of his package
And he never comes on time.

Don’t go out with an IT man
Cause whenever things go wrong
He’ll try to turn you off
And then turn you back on

Don’t go out with an ice cream man
You’ll be alone on sunny days
You know he’s going to leave you
When ever his music plays

Don’t go out with a politician
Don’t fall for his pretenses
He’ll sell his soul to satan
Then claim a new one on expenses

Don’t go out with a banker
He’s got no cash to loan us
It’s gone down now he can’t get it up
He’s obsessed with size of his bonus

Don’t go out with a shoe maker
All his work is done by elves
He exploits those little guys when they
should he should be doing it Himself

Don’t go out with footballer
He’ll share you with his friends
He can’t make love without company
At half time they’ll change ends.

Go out with a Comedian
Because if you never see him
It’s not because he doesn’t care
Its because he works in the evening

Go out with a Comedian
He’ll spend all your hard earned money
He’ll spout a stream of endless drivel
And then ask you if it’s funny.

If you don’t find him attractive
There are more important things
If you think his jokes are stupid
Maybe you’ll like it when he sings

Go out with a comedian
You’ll get true love and affection
But you’ll have to make the first move
Because he’s on the autistic spectrum